thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at about main and main street
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
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