I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
