I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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