going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
