guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
