does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
