There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
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i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
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It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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