apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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