i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
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