come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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