I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
In other news, I just burned my penis
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
