Where did you get a picture of my penis
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
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remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
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Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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