I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Dicks are not precious.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
