Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
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