You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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