Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
