What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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