Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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