Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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