Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
