u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
