I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
