the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
