My hand turned me down
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
