I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
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