My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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