so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
