we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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