why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
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I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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