my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
