no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize