Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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