"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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