do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Too much gin, very little bucket
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
