Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
