singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
