Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
