I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
