Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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