why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
