just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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