Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
