i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
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you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize