oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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