I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
