i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
