yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
