I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
