I just pynch a tree in the face
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
