I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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