K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
