So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I didn't notice because vodka
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
