booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
