I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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