Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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