I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I've blown a few things in my day
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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