OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
