I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
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