nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
