i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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