If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize