i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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