Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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