Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
