I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
