i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
