I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
