It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
