The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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