Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
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If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
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Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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